When I first started teaching, if anyone told me that praising children can have adverse effects, I would have felt equal parts disbelief and guilt for all the “Good Jobs!” I doled out. But after reading How Not to Talk to Your Kids and attending other trainings in positive teacher language, I learned that praise can be confusing and counterproductive for children.
What is “praise,” anyway? Praise, in this context, is how we comment on our children’s accomplishments. For example, if a child brings home a report card of all As, we might say, “You’re so smart!” Or if they show us a piece of artwork they finished we would exclaim, “Great job! You’re such a good artist!” Doesn’t sound so terrible, right?!
The problem is that when children are repeatedly told that they’re smart or a good artist, they often come to believe that their talent and intelligence are fixed traits. The result is that they are less likely to take risks or challenge themselves, lest their talent or intelligence come into question. Instead, what we want children to know is that their strategy and effort are the key factors in their success. By understanding what made them successful, they can continue to challenge themselves—and spur growth in the process.
This is not to say that we need to throw praise out the window, just to put more emphasis on how the child arrived to their destination. So the next time your child brings home a stellar report card, you might say, “I’m really proud of you. What do you think you did to get such high grades?” If they created a beautiful piece of artwork you could say, “You chose such interesting colors and spent so much time working on it. Let’s hang it up so everyone can see!”
To learn more about how you can use this kind of language with your children, and additional strategies to support their growth mindset, contact Home Works NYC today to schedule an appointment.
