Modern day parents – myself included – work really hard to make sure our kids are growing up to be kind, responsible citizens. After reading NurtureShock, I was amazed to find out that many strategies we use to nurture our children may have adverse effects.
For example, the book asks why "in a world of modern, involved, caring parents, are kids so aggressive and cruel?" As a classroom teacher of hundreds of children over the years, I often wondered why there is such rampant teasing and bullying when children most often come from loving homes. The answer, I learned, is conflict. Contrary to the popular belief that children should be protected from conflict, NurtureShock explains that children not only need to be exposed to a healthy level of conflict, but they also have to be shown how conflict is resolved. Children are incredibly perceptive and can easily pick up on underlying tension—so unless they experience the reality of challenging situations, they will act out their feelings in inappropriate ways. How can we support this as parents? We can try, as uncomfortable as it is, to let our kids engage in their own conflict and guide them in to resolving it in healthy, positive ways.
This book touches on so many topics like, why children lie, how praise can cause more harm than good, and why cross-racial friendships decrease in the most racially integrated schools. I highly recommend it to anyone who wants to learn more about how our behavior and assumptions can impact child development.
